Season's meatings

Health-wise, I’m allowed to drink as much as I like, because I didn’t eat red meat for almost 20 years. Oh, but then I did smoke quite heavily for about ten years. And I don’t exercise very much. So maybe I shouldn’t drink as much as I like, but I probably will anyway, because it feels good, and if you’re born after 1970 that’s the only test that really matters.

Meat to please you

Hardly an Auckland secret, but I wanted to devote a few paragraphs to the Westmere Butchery, a local institution which receives almost daily visits from me during barbecue season. When I converted from vegetarianism about 18 months ago, I vowed as far as possible to only eat meat from a trusted, ethically-sound source, and also to cut back on my use of pretentious words like 'vow'. As you can see I'm still struggling with the latter, but having the boys from Westmere nearby has certainly helped with the former.

Paul McCartney and Beef Teriyaki

I spent most of my life as an ethical vegetarian and only returned to meat around the middle of last year. People often ask me what it felt like to eat my first steak after a 20 year hiatus, and the only parallel experience I can think of is that of a newly liberated gay man enjoying his first ever kiss with a bloke: a strange collection of unfamiliar and discomforting sensations followed by a rush of adrenalin, mild nausea and a guilty curiosity for more.

Feeding Doug the Builder

Taking an out of town guest to dinner requires a careful balancing act. You want to impress them, sure, but you want them to fell comfortable and happy too. It's all very well taking your mate from Hamilton to Prego for pizza, but if he asks for a stuffed crust and the waiter is anything but cool and accommodating, your friend's going to wish he'd stayed in with takeaways.